• Do you have an advance directive or living will?

• Who will be your healthcare proxy if you can’t speak for yourself?

• What are your wishes for life support, resuscitation, or hospice care?

• Who should be contacted in a medical emergency?

• What comforts or routines matter to you if you’re ill or dying (music, food, environment)?

• What impact do you hope to leave behind?

• Are there charitable donations you'd like in your name?

• Do you want a memorial bench, scholarship, tree planted, or other tribute?

• What do you want people to remember most about you?

• Do you have a bucket list? Can your family help you achieve it?

• What were the most memorable lessons you learned in life?

• What are some of your favorite memories?

• Are there people you want to reconcile with or say something to?

• What values or messages do you want to leave behind?

• Letters, recordings, or journals you want to share?

• Legacy projects: recipes, stories, photos, traditions?

• Has anything been prearranged?

• Do you have a preferred place of worship, cemetery, or a meaningful place?

• Do you want a funeral (with your body present, open or closed casket), a memorial (your body is not present), a celebration of life, or a graveside service? 

• Do you want a green burial?

• Do you want a public or private service? 

• What kind of tone do you want? Solemn, celebratory, spiritual, secular, intimate, or public?

• Who will officiate? Clergy, celebrant, family member?

• What are your spiritual and religious preferences? Any cultural traditions you would like to follow?

• Do you have a plot purchased?

• Preferences for casket, headstone, or urn

• Who would you like to be pallbearers or ushers?

• Who should do a reading? Do you have any favorite passages?

• Who should give a eulogy?

• Would you like a musical performance?

• What are your favorite flowers? 

• What are your favorite songs?

• What are your favorite colors?

• Which are your favorite photos of yourself? Would you like a slideshow, memory table, or keepsake?

• Who should be invited or informed? Provide a list of contacts including a “lead” person from each group (friend, organizations, church, etc.) (See Family Sharing - Contacts)

• Do you want a dress code for the event? All black, colorful, etc.?

• If you have chosen cremation, what would you like your family to do with your ashes? Do you want to select an urn in advance? Would you like your ashes to be distributed to multiple family members? Or would you like to have your ashes scattered? If so, where? Take note of local laws regarding the scattering of ashes. 

• What tone would you like for your obituary (formal, poetic, humorous)? Who should write it? Have you written one yourself?

• Do you want your organs donated? 

(See Wishes For Your Kids)

• What values do you want instilled in them when you are gone?

• What family traditions with your kids are the most meaningful? Holidays (specific foods, events, movies, readings), everyday rituals (Sunday pancakes, birthday traditions, bedtime sayings), and seasonal (first day of school photos and summer trips)

• What are your “north stars” that you want your children to adopt? For example, kindness over cruelty, courage, integrity, curiosity, and belonging. 

• Permission Statements (these matter a lot). Permission to be happy without feeling guilty, live differently than you did, let go of objects, traditions, or expectations, not make their life a tribute to you.

(See Wishes For Your Pets)

Who should take care of your pets?