Instead of rules, think of north stars. You might name a few values explicitly and describe what they look like in real life. These could include:

• Kindness over cruelty — even when it costs you something.

• Courage — not fearlessness, but doing the hard thing anyway.

• Integrity — who you are when no one is watching.

• Curiosity — stay open, ask questions, keep learning.

• Belonging — family, chosen family, and community matter.

You can write these as:

• “I hope you live a life where ___ matters more than ___.”

• “If you’re ever unsure what to do, choose the option that reflects ___.”

Traditions are emotional anchors. They help kids feel continuity and connection. Consider naming:

• Holidays or rituals you want remembered (specific foods, music, readings)

• Everyday rituals (Sunday pancakes and bedtime sayings)

• Seasonal traditions (first day of school photos, summer trips)

You might also say: “If this tradition ever feels heavy, you are allowed to let it go. Keeping joy matters more than keeping rituals.” That permission can be incredibly freeing.

Kids experience loss differently as they grow. Grief evolves. You can acknowledge that. You might include lines like:

• “You’ll understand my choices differently at 10, 20, and 40—and all of those understandings are okay.”

• “If you’re angry with me someday, that doesn’t mean you loved me less.”

• “If you forget my voice, that’s okay. Love doesn’t depend on memory.”

One of the greatest gifts you can give children is explicit permission. Consider giving them permission to:

• Be happy without feeling guilty.

• Live differently than you did.

• Love others deeply.

• Let go of objects, traditions, or expectations.

• Not make their life a tribute to you.

You could share:

• What you hope they remember (your laugh, your presence, your love)

• What you don’t want them to carry (your worries, regrets, or unfinished business)

If there’s more than one child, this section can be powerful. You might write:

• “Take care of each other—but not at the expense of your own life.”

• “You are siblings first, not caretakers or replacements.”

• “You don’t have to grieve the same way or at the same pace.”

Kids often wonder: Where do I come from? Who am I like? Consider leaving them emotional heirlooms, including:

• Family stories you want retold.

• Genealogy and known ancestors.

• Traits you see in each child.

• Moments when they surprised or moved you.

This can’t be said too many ways, too many times. Examples:

• “I loved you before I knew who you would become.”

• “There is nothing you could do that would make me love you less.”

• “If you ever doubt your worth, let this be the thing you trust.”

Many people like to end with something short and repeatable—almost like a blessing.

• “May you be brave, gentle, and free.”

• “May your life be bigger than your grief.”

• “May you always know you are deeply loved.”