DANDELION GUIDE: AFTER THE GOODBYE
A Practical Guide for the Days After a Loss
Breathe. This will be hard, but you can do it.
You’ve just experienced a terrible loss and the idea of navigating all of the logistics and legalese when you feel like you are drowning - it’s overwhelming. Just take it step by step. No rush. Be gentle with yourself as you work through the details.
Day One
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If they passed at home, call 911 or a hospice nurse.
If they were in a hospital, nursing home, or hospice, staff will handle this.
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Rally 3-5 trusted friends or family members to be your liaisons in the immediate days after the death. Set up a text thread with all parties and outline who is responsible for what:
Someone to communicate with family, friends, and the community.
Someone to help with the funeral arrangements.
Someone to walk through your loved one’s property and belongings with you and identify anything that needs to be taken care of ASAP.
Someone to secure their home and belongings. Lock doors and windows, collect mail, arrange for pet care, water plants. Turn on/off lights as needed.
Someone to help with police, attorneys and any other necessary legal systems.
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Unless directed by the Trustee or Executor, avoid contacting:
banks
employers
agencies
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Let your therapist know what’s going on. If you don’t have a therapist, check out these free resources (link).
Remember to give yourself permission to take a break when grief hits.
Week One
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Family and Close Friends – Inform them personally or through a trusted person.
Their Employer – Notify their workplace to handle payroll, benefits, and retirement accounts.
Your Employer - Let your workplace know what is going on, ask for bereavement leave.
Funeral Home – They will assist with obtaining death certificates and handling arrangements.
Religious or Community Groups – If applicable, inform their place of worship or religious organization.
Long Term Care, if applicable.
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Arrange for Transportation of the Body
Contact a funeral home, mortuary, or cremation service.
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(See Family Sharing)
List of accounts and passwords (or password manager access)
Phone and email access instructions
Trusted contact for banks and institutions
Safe combination or key location
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You will need at least 10 original copies during the administration of the estate. The funeral home or vital records office can provide these. You'll need them to close accounts and settle the estate. You can request additional copies, but this usually takes time so it’s better to get a sufficient number of copies up front.
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Locate will and the estate documents
Note any special instructions. Meet with the named Trustee or Executor and other named parties to discuss the documents and the settlement process.
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Talk with the Trustee or Executor about distribution of personal property. There may be specifics in the will that determine who can have what.
Be protective of the items that your loved one held dear. Don’t let your Aunt Nancy take that painting - it might have sentimental value, not to mention monetary value, that the estate needs to officially distribute.
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Start to gather their bank account information.
See Family Sharing.
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Contact the family attorney
If you do not have one, take a look at this guide to selecting an estate attorney.
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Begin making Funeral and Burial Arrangements.
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Assist with obituary drafting and gathering photos.
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Check on their house again
Check in with their gardener, cleaners, and pool maintenance company
Make sure all automatic systems in the house are working (if you want them to, like the irrigation) or turned off.
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Back up important digital items only with permission from the Trustee/Executor.
See Checking Technology.
Month One
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Help gather documents for the Trustee or Executor, not instead of them:
ID
insurance policies
military records
mortgage/lease info
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Create a shared list (Google Doc works well):
Accounts to notify
Subscriptions to cancel later
People who should be informed
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Assist with meal coordination.
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Save and organize:
Photos
Videos
Voicemails
Texts
Notes
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Handle practical tasks:
School forms
Employer HR packets
Medical bills intake
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Watch for grief overwhelm in key family members and gently step in.
The Next Few Months
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Prepare for the anniversary of their passing. One month, three months, six months… they all are painful and checking in with your family and friends can ease that.
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Check their technology - Laptops, Phones, Tablets
See Checking Technology.
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Clean Out the House - If they lived alone or the property needs to be sold, start the process of cleaning out the home.
Help with household projects left undone and gentle decluttering only if invited.
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Check in weekly with spouse/children/parents
If children are involved, watch for behavior changes and help caregivers maintain routines.
Ask yourself and the family open questions: “What feels hardest right now?” and “What feels unfinished?” And seek help where needed.
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Assist the Trustee or Executor with:
Subscription identification, but don’t cancel without approval
Tech help: memorializing social accounts (Trustee or Executor needed)
Thank-you notes
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Keep an eye out for financial stress points such as cash-flow gaps or benefit delays, and communicate those to the Trustee or Executor.
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Get professional support if needed (grief counselor, support group) and encourage others to do the same.
Support the psychological shift from “acute loss” to “ongoing grief”.
Give yourself permission to step back if you’re exhausted.
✱ Important boundaries (for non-executors)
Do not close accounts, move money, or sign anything.
Do not distribute belongings unless explicitly authorized.
Do not pressure grieving people to “move on” or make decisions quickly.
Do not carry this alone — tag others in.
✱ What you should keep track of
Key contacts and dates
What you’ve helped with, so you don’t duplicate efforts
Emotional check-ins you’ve noticed
Your own grief — helpers grieve, too